*sigh* that time of year again...

Yep, its that time of year again that I really dislike.

I like my peace, my quiet, my calm, and to go about my life my own way. But it feels like at this time of year I am being pulled in a million different directions and there are so many expectations being placed on me (and everyone else no doubt), that I just don't want.

But, on the upside, kindy and dancing have finished for the year so we are no longer spending so much time back up in our old town. Of course that did mean extra trips to cover end of year dance concert and kindy christmas parties etc, but at least it's all done now, and next year, Miss 5's school is 3 minutes away and Miss 3's kindy is about 7 minutes away!

I've also been having a bit of an internal struggle at the moment... I am 30 years old and have no real direction in my life, I still dress and feel like I did when I was 20, I am happy to hang out with my younger brothers and their friends, and I really don't feel like a grown up at all...

I don't know if this is all a good thing in that I am being me and happy with that, or if I'm just refusing to grow up (subconsciously), or if I'm having a mid-life crisis LOL. I need to ask my brothers if they mind me hanging out with them - maybe they think I'm cramping their style or something.

I have also acknowledged a few things about myself that I guess I haven't wanted to *admit* before. I've also started to learn some skill - or at least acknowledge the skills I want.

• I LOVE getting dressed up and putting on make up. I feel like this is such a frivilous thing that I can't possibly admit that its something I love, but the truth is I feel fabulous when I'm dressed nicely and have spent some time on hair and make up. Until recently, I used to live in shorts and t shirts/singlets, simple hair and no make up because I was trying so hard not to be frivilous (as I saw it). But, for the past month or so, I've been taking the time to do my hair, put on make up and try to make an effort with my clothes - and I've been loving it. Although it has highlighted how few clothes I have that I actually love.
• I think I'm just about ready to allow another person into my life... Certainly not on a serious level, but I am starting to miss having another person to hang out with and snuggle up to.
• This ties into the first point, but I have recently started spending the time and money on looking after my skin - I've been having a few facials, and have actually started a proper skin care regime. And surprisingly, (or not!), my skin is now looking much better than it ever has. I've also started waxing regularly. I'm amazed at how much time this actually free's up - no more shaving regularly - 1 hour a month (max) and its all done while I get some much needed time out. I've also been keeping my toenails painted!
  
• And again, this ties in... I have worked out that I have very few *nice* clothes because I have a terrible time trying to find clothes that fit me well. Now yes, I can sew, and can sew quite well, but I cannot draft patterns and don't have enough skills to make everything fit my unique body well. I recently borrowed a book from the library on pattern drafting, and the concept, and drawing aspects of it were all very straight forward and I was able to get it, but when it came time to sew up the toile and fit it, well, it didn't go so well. I guess having a 2nd person to help would no doubt be of great use! After quite a bit of fiddling (and many wasted bits of fabric attempting to get it right), I have decided to enlist the aid of professionals. There are no places here that offer courses, but I am going to approach a local dressmaker/designer and see if they would be able to either a) offer me drafting lessons, or b) at least just draft a set of basic pattern blocks for me, so I can then work from them.

So, there is a lot going on in my little mind at the moment... this is probably why I've been struggling with insomnia a bit lately...

Hmmm and hopefully it wont be another month before I write again!