Self-Discovery

I feel like I'm really learning so much about who I really am at the moment... the REAL me...

The real me is vibrant, happy, easy-going, likes herself, and enjoys life. But also strong, sensitive, caring, deeply personal and loyal. I also have self-respect, and standards. I feel like my morals are stronger now and I'm far more prepared to stick to my guns in certain areas but also know when to be flexible.

I like to think I'm not one of those girls who seem to have a tough exterior and sensitive inside... I think I'm the opposite - I may appear delicate and soft, but have a very strong, capable centre. But, I know that until people get to know me I may appear more like the former - only because I'm very guarded initially.

So, making these self-discoveries, has led me to re-assessing my outward portrayal of myself... ie my *style* I guess...

I have always LOVED fashion, clothing, makeup, hair stuff, all those girly things, but have also battled internally with reconciling this love, with my idea that it was all frivilous and not a true measure of oneself or remotely important.

However, what I have come to believe recently is that its not the clothes or the make up that is frivilous - its the way they can be used.

I can still dress well, dress to show the real me, and use make up to give myself the polished look I believe I deserve, but I can do it in such a way that I am not being frivilous - I can buy clothes from an op shop, I can use ethical products. I can use these things to make the statement I want to make. I'm not slavishly following trends - I'm being true to me, but doing it in style - my style.

I also think that its been such an important part of me feeling like I'm finally really making headway in my long battle with depression.

Since I have begun to realise how much a part of the authentic me these things are, and I've started allowing myself to go with it, I've also felt a deep sense of calm and self-worth.

I feel now like I am being true to myself, I'm happier, I'm calmer and most importantly, at my last visit withy psychiatrist, I really felt like a new woman and we both agreed that this is the best I have been in over 4 years - I am making clear progress and healing.

So, I'm not really sure where this leads me - I still don't know exactly how I would define my "style persona", but I'm enjoying experimenting and trying things I haven't tried before.

All I know for sure is that I deserve to look as great as I am feeling!